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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605625">My Future</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RannaM/pseuds/RannaM'>RannaM</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Kozume Kenma Needs a Hug, Lev is a good friend, M/M, Oblivious Kuroo Tetsurou, One-Sided Love, POV Kozume Kenma, Pining Kozume Kenma, Protective Kuroo Tetsurou, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:01:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605625</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RannaM/pseuds/RannaM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing but the sound of the air conditioning purring softly throughout the room, imagining half lidded eyes, lopsided smiles and messy black hair.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">  </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The gyms golden floors stopped blinding Kenma a long time ago. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">    He remembered back then, when he couldn’t look at them without feeling a sharp pain behind his eyes. The lights on the ceiling were much brighter than the screen of his gaming device, but now there was no more sharp pain, no flash. A lot of things had changed since then and dragging the sole of his shoe against one of the thick white lines lodged the realization deep into his brain. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">It wouldn’t be long before just thinking about the open space would carve a deep hole into his chest. In a few months time he would look back and clutch a hand over his heart, wishing to return. He could always be wrong. Maybe he would find something so great that it made these times look insignificant. Maybe he could discover a new passion filled with new adventures and new people.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">But he highly doubted that. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Out of all the spectacular things in the world like long bus rides and bruised knees and taped hands, Kenma could only think of one thing that made all of those heart wrenching memories insignificant. The only thing in the entire world that was impossible for him to have was the only thing that he felt like he needed. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Dragging his dirty white sneakers against the clean white line, he watched as that very thing laughed in his faced. Mocking him like the stupid idiot that he was, because if he was just a little smarter, just a little bit stronger, he would have never been in this position in the first place.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">She was pretty. Long blonde hair, lively features, nice figure. Beautiful even. And when he saw the crinkle at the edge of her eyes as she smiled for the first time, he knew. He knew when she showed up for their first game of the season and then the rest after that. He knew as he watched her wipe away tears of frustration or bandaged bleeding fingers.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma knew because he saw it. He saw the way his eyes lit up when she laughed at one of his jokes or the way he always looked for her in a crowd. He saw the almost discreet glances and the intertwined hands. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">If he had known what it would do to him, if he had just known the pain it would bring, he would have never spoken to him. Kenma could have gone his whole life without ever speaking to Kuroo Tetsurou and lived perfectly fine. He would give anything to turn back time and erase the moment they met. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">He couldn’t help it. It’s a cruel thing to wish someone out of your life, but when it hurts, when it feels like your heart is being physically ripped out of your chest, you can’t help but wish. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">If only wishing worked. Kenma would just have to deal with it. Finish his last few months of high school, graduate, maybe go to college, find a job. He would talk to him, god knows it was impossible for him not to, but over time they would talk less and less until one day, they would see each other walking down the street and share nothing but a glance of the past. Then Kenma would go home to his affordable apartment, shut the door behind him, and cry. He would hate the way that after all those years, he still loved him just as much. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Then he would go to sleep and wrap himself up in a too heavy for the season comforter and imagine that he wasn’t alone. Nothing but the sound of the air conditioning purring softly throughout the room, imagining half lidded eyes, lopsided smiles and messy black hair.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“We gave a lot without asking if they were even willing to accept it, didn’t we?” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma jumped in surprise, but kept his eyes focused on the scene in front of him. The tall looming shadow was enough to erase any suspicions.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“What are you talking about?” Lev laughed lazily behind him, his shadowed hand on his hip. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Me and you.” Kenma finally tore his gaze away and let the bag on his shoulder slump to the ground. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“It’s you and I.” He looked up at the taller boys face, but his eyes were cast somewhere on the opposite side of the court. Trailing it slowly, light brown hair emerged attached onto a figure shorter than himself. Yaku kicked the back of Yamamoto’s shin causing the boy to yelp out in pain. Kenma understood and he understood it well. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Lev smiled sadly and nudged the pudding haired boy with his elbow, finally meeting his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I suppose it is, isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p class="p3">
  <span class="s2">  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1"><span class="s2">  </span> <em> <span class="s3">Kenma had been crouched down in front of the gym doors for almost ten minutes. Sweaty palms traced bare thighs in an anxious manner, back and forth continuously. All he had to do was go in. He had his physical form and his club application ready, he had made sure of it. All he had to do was stand up and push the doors open.</span> </em></p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">It wasn’t that scary. They were just people who liked the same sport as him. That was all. Just people.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">He bought the right sneakers, a new gym bag. Kenma was ready. There were no cons to going inside. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s3"><em>Why couldn’t he move? Why were his feet glued to the pavement? Why was the air becoming so hard to breathe? There was no</em> <em>logical reason to panic, yet his brain raced with unlikely scenarios. </em></span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">What if he was too short? What if he wasn’t as good as he thought he was? What if they hated him? What if he-</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">A gust of wind cooled his sweaty body. Only the sound of leaves drifting across the ground could be heard as two fingers retracted themselves from the small patch of skin between his eyebrows. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">“You here to play volleyball or stare at the ground?” </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s3"><em>It was something like he had seen in the movies. His breath caught in his throat and if he wasn’t sweating before, he definitely was now. The world stopped turning and for a</em> <em>second the color black wasn’t as dark as it usually was. In that moment it was the brightest color Kenma had ever seen. </em></span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">The black haired boy smiled lazily and traced the cracks in the pavement with the same fingers that touched Kenma’s forehead.</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">“I prefer to stare when weeds are growing out if it, but I guess we all have different preferences in cement.” </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">Kenma flushed red and bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know what to say. Or maybe he just couldn’t say anything. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">The boys half lidded eyes stared at him expectantly. He wanted a response, but Kenma’s mouth was dry and his tongue felt heavy. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s3">  <em>“You’re weird.” And there it was. Kenma’s heart dropped as he dipped his head down, strands of brown and blonde covering his eyes.</em> </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">He had seen the other boy before multiple times. They had went to the same middle school. He was always surrounded by friends, admirers, and girls. Kenma knew just exactly who Kuroo Tetsurou was and now Kuroo knew him. </span> </em>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s3"><em>Now he knew exactly what he was and it only took him two minutes to figure it out. Nervous. Scared. Weird. And even though he knew him now, even though he had interacted with him, Kuroo was grabbing him with both</em> <em>arms. Standing him up. </em></span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <em> <span class="s3">“Let’s go play volleyball.”</span> </em>
</p><p class="p2"><span class="s3">  </span> <span class="s2">That was when it happened. That evening, on his first day of high school. That was when he fell in love with Kuroo Tetsurou. If only he had walked away.</span></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Bro, come on. Why are you sucking right now?” Kuroo used the collar of his t-shirt to wipe away the sweat that was dripping down his face.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The two had stayed behind after practice to run their new combination a few times, which turned into almost three hours of failed attempts. Kuroo wasn’t a natural spiker, being a middle blocker and all, but it wasn’t that hard of a combo if Kenma was being honest. He just wasn’t feeling it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Actually, he was feeling too much of everything. Graduation, college, Kuroo. Kuroo. Kuroo. He wasn’t even surprised that the taller boy had noticed. It’s not like he was making an effort to hide it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“My bad.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Each ball he set flew in an odd direction, either too high, too low, or to the other side of the net. He could feel Kuroo’s frustration grow through the thick air of the gym and while he was usually laid back, it would only take a few more misses for him to snap. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma tossed him a few more misses.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">He wasn’t sure why he was purposely trying to piss him off. Maybe he just wanted to see him get angry. Maybe Kenma wanted Kuroo to direct any emotion towards him be it good or bad. Maybe Kenma just wanted his attention. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The sound of the last ball hitting the floor echoed louder than the previous ones. Heavy breaths were exchanged for silence and the ringing of ears. He felt the change in Kuroo’s eyes, how they narrowed in such a way that a shadow casted over them. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">It wasn’t until those eyes were burning holes into his own that Kenma regretted his decision. But Kenma regretted a lot of things. Kenma regretted ever coming to Nekoma, Kenma regretted ever playing volleyball, Kenma regretted ever stepping foot inside that gym at all.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">On the list of things he regretted, this one was insignificant. Kuroo could yell at him, call him lazy and selfish all he wanted. He could lecture him and tell him off until his throat hurt, but nothing, </span>
  <span class="s3"><em>nothing</em>, </span>
  <span class="s2">would ever be as regretful as meeting him in the first place.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Are you even trying?!” Kuroo looked at him with those damned narrowed eyes, his lips curling downward. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“No, not really.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Those words seemed to send the black haired boy over the edge as his fist jumped up and clamped itself onto the collar of Kenma’s shirt. He pulled him forward with a quickness and scowled in his face. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“We play Karasuno in five days and you’re just going to throw our practice time away? Do you even want to win?” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma pictured them winning. Him tossing the winning ball and watching as it successfully made contact with the palm of Kuroo’s hand. Watching as it smacked down onto the opposite side of the court. He imagined the final whistle and the cheers of the crowd. He imagined most of his teammates in tears, jumping and hugging each other.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">But he could also imagine a glance. Kuroo searching the stands until he finally sees her. And she’s there, smiling and cheering louder than anyone else in the crowd. He could imagine him running towards the railing and lifting himself up just meet her eye to eye. And then it would happen. He would lean in, slowly and passionately, until finally, their lips connected. The crowd would cheer for them and that would be it. No, Kenma did not want to win. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Does what I want even matter to you?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">     He had said it before could stop himself and the confused look on Kuroo’s face mixed with his own pent up resentment caused unwanted emotions to quickly resurface. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“What? What are you even talking about?” He let go of his collar with a forceful shove.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“What the fuck is wrong with you?”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma wanted to scream at him. He wanted to bang his fists on his chest and cry until his heart gave out. He wanted to take every single emotion that Kuroo had ever made him feel and throw it right back in his face. He wanted to write the words ‘I love you’ in bold letters right across his forehead and head but him right between the eyes. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">He wanted to say it so badly, to pour out everything so <em>desperately</em>, but how could he do that to him? How could he ruin their friendship, his best friend’s relationship. It all came down to reality and the reality was that Kuroo was in love with his girlfriend. His beautiful, loving, supportive girlfriend. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">He took a deep breath in and swallowed the lump in his throat.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I think that-“ His voice trembled slightly. “I think that Lev was right.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">There was no hiding it now. Despite his efforts, tears fell from his eyes, down to his cheeks and into the curve of his neck. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">And to save himself from the embarrassment, to ignore the sharp agonizing pain in his chest, he picked up his gym bag and walked out. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ages grades and matches are different because i cant be bothered to care enough about being factual</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“We could always just date each other.” Kenma snorted and looked up from his game.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Him and Lev had come to an unspoken understanding over last few weeks. If they were going to go through the same thing, they might as well have had each other to confide in. It was nothing weird or unusual. Just two people who had happened to be lost at the same time. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">They settled into their new dynamic easily, and it was surprisingly helpful. When Kenma felt like talking to Kuroo, he talked to Lev instead. It probably wasn’t healthy to be actively avoiding the black haired boy, but Lev was just so...so easy. Where Kenma was doubtful and cautious, Lev was sure and strong. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">It eased the sore spot in his heart if only for a few minutes, and for that he was grateful. It seemed to be helpful for Lev as well. Yaku became more and more distant, not only with him, but with the team in general. Kenma had picked up one too many phone calls to listen to Lev sob over a text message left on read by the shorter boy. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">And now on a grassy hill, looking over the entire team as they lounged around, they sat together.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Might as well, right?” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">A comfortable silence fell over them. Morning practice ended early, but too late for anyone to consider going back home. Classes started in twenty minutes or so and Kenma really couldn’t have been bothered. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Do you think he loves me?” Lev’s eyes glossed over and Kenma didn’t have to follow them to know who he was looking at.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Even as a friend. Do you think he cares about me at all?” Kenma pressed pause on his game again and thought for moment. He could have lied to him in that moment. To make him feel better.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I don’t know.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">But if being brutally honest was a crime, he would rather take the sentence than to give Lev false hope. The silver haired boy never once led him to believe that Kuroo reciprocated his feeling and he would do the same for him. Lev deserved much, much more, and if breaking him down a little bit meant showing him that, then well, call him guilty. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">(And if the little voice in his head was telling him to take his own advice, then well, it could mind its business.) </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The tall boy hummed in acknowledgement and picked at the grass with his fingers. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“I know that Kuroo loves you.” Kenma’s thumbs stuttered over the buttons of his gaming device.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Maybe not in the way that you want him to, but he does love you.”</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma knew this. He knew that Kuroo loved him like a brother, like family. He knew that he was selfish for wanting more.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yaku doesn’t hate you.” Lev let out a laugh and shoved the shorter boy playfully. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“You’re a dick, come on.” He stood up and reached out his hand, waiting for Kenma to take it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The sound of palms clasping together as Lev pulled him up echoed awkwardly loud, gaining the attention of their teammates. Kenma ignored the black mop of hair that peaked up in curiosity.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Where are you guys going?” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">They hadn’t spoken since their fight. Kenma had never realized how much he went out of his way to speak to Kuroo until he stopped trying all together. He wasn’t sure why, in front of the whole team, that the black haired boy thought it would be a good time to speak all of a sudden.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Fortunately for him, he had Lev.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“We’re gonna go make out. Would you like anymore details?” And if there was a cold undertone to his words, Kenma wouldn’t have said anything about it.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">The captain looked shocked for a moment, wide eyes and an open mouth, until he narrowed down at Kenma. The look was skeptical and confused and it made him want to laugh. Of course. Only an idiot like him would believe Lev. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Yeah, no. Go be gay where we can’t see it.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">Kenma’s eye twitched. He felt the pull of Lev’s hand, silently begging for him to let it go. </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“Come again?” The team seemed to sense to the atmosphere, each of them looking cautiously between the two boys.</span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">“What? Go make out with your boyfriend, that’s what you were going to do right? Nobody wants to know your business, it’s not that deep.” He rolled his eyes with an exaggerated yawn. “I mean you could have told me before all the sleepovers, but whatever.” </span>
</p><p class="p2">
  <span class="s2">It took about a total of five steps for Kenma to make his way down the small hill and connect his fist to Kuroo’s face.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>:(</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>:(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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